When Worlds Collide: working through fresh trauma with #PTSD

4 Replies

The Worst Stretch of Highway in America

Impact

I got rear ended the other day.  It was raining.  I was on the worst stretch of highway in America, the Cross Bronx Expressway, and I got hit in my little Prius by an F350 Super duty towing a motor home.

From impact it was an exercise in control.  Now, three weeks later worlds are still colliding…

At the onset I had to take a few seconds to not instinctively rip the old man from the drivers seat and throttle him on the highway.

Deep breath.

Accidents happen, he just got a little too close.

I asked if everyone was ok in the other car.  I took out my camera phone and started snapping pictures.  Ugh.  Bumper is pretty jacked.  Did I mention I had only bought the car five days prior?  Oh yeah, there was that that level of frustration…  I had not been in an accident in years.  This happens now?

Good old FM 7-8 or FM 3.21.8 or …

My mind started to race.  Thinking back, the impact was not much harder than my Bradley crew and I knocking on someone’s door, but I was braced for that, this was more sudden, and as such made me more alert in a snap.  The feelings reminded me of a contract drill after an IED.  Dynamic opposites at play.  High adrenaline from anger playing off a souring stomach while we waiting to hear if anyone was hurt.

The tension from the impact had me soaring. I pushed all my feelings and emotions into that little box and let my training take over.

The checklist runs without prompt…

Return fire… wait… scratch that…

Check to see if anyone is hurt.

Check to make sure everything is in a place that is safe.

Notify the appropriate personnel…

It was a battle drill I had done too many times.

Everyone was ok. A little shaken up and wet, but OK.  His F350 laughed at my little Prius.

Dusting off the Stuck Points and probabilities…

The real fun has been the symptoms that have crept back into my life that I had though I had a good handle on.  I continually brace for impact.  I see cars coming close and I cannot help but think about getting hit.  I drive slower and in the right lane (saves MPG in my hybrid right?)

I’m also back to running through the crippling “if” scenarios I worked hard to get past.  A little jolt and I have to work extra hard to fight the swirling patterns and negative thoughts.

In Iraq, getting attacked was a when not if.  We left the gate ready for the worst case scenario.  Unfortunately, we found those scenarios on a few occasions.   The level of hyper-vigilance that was woven into our daily routine is high and deep.   It helped us survive.

I guess driving a car and accidents are the same way. It is just a matter of time.  The difference is that driving on the Cross Bronx, while frustrating and somewhat dangerous, is nowhere near the level of patrolling the streets of Iraq.  And, the frequency of any one individual having multiple accidents is a low probability, unless you drive like some people I know…

Now, my stuck points related to safety are back.  My rumination habits of reviewing the scenario to attempt to improve a similar scenario, or respond to a worse scenario are back.  I am trying to over control scenarios.

I am unwinding them, and much quicker than I did my time in Iraq, but it is still a setback in my mind.   But, a positive is I can clearly see these issues.  I have the skills and tools to tighten them up.  So, with a little time I will step forward again, with a new experience to notch in my belt.

Housekeeping

This month is PTSD awareness month.  In keeping with the notion that we are not alone in this fight here are a few resources from the VA and others:

http://www.ptsd.va.gov/about/ptsd-awareness/ptsd_awareness_month.asp?from=carousel&position=1&date=06062012

AboutFace:  Testimonials of the afflicted


http://www.ptsd.va.gov/public/about_face/veterans/cpt-sarah-c-humphries/what-ptsd-did-to-the-people-i-love.html

June 27th is National PTSD Awareness day

http://www.nctsn.org/resources/public-awareness/national-ptsd-awareness-day

 

 

 

  • Juliza Ramirez-Wylie

    Thanks for describing your experience Mikey. As I read this, I can’t help but make comparisons between your description of the creeping back of #PTSD symptoms and the recovery process for addictions (of all types). The relapses seem to be a vital part of the recovery.

    In counselor training – the therapeutic failures in therapy are often great opportunities for real therapy to occur. For example, when counselors try therapeutic interventions (you have described the empty chair one in a previous blog) and the intervention fails (the client refuses to do it or hates it) – there can be that moment of awkward silence for both the counselor and the client. At that moment when the “failure” has occurred, the counselor and client have a great opportunity for real work to happen. Together they can try to figure out why the intervention failed and that failure may be the very key to recovery.. (i.e. uncovering trust concerns etc.) It can lead to addressing a lot of other things that may have never been visited.

    • mikeypiro

      Juliza, I agree with your suggestion that the traits are similar to a recovery from addiction. I have met with a number of people who are recovering addicts and twelve steppers who share similar stories of set-backs and relapses. The more interesting part is how much a specific approach to recovery can make the patient successful. I have regiment my life, gave up alcohol and drugs, attend group and individual therapy and try to devote my energy to balance.

      With respect to the counselor training you referenced above, I completely agree that a setback can be a “spring forward”. It is ok to stumble. I wrote earlier about the relationship between patient and counselor. That relation ship evolves just like many others, and as I stated before there is a push/pull and a dance that goes on.

      Thanks again for reading! If you have a question or experience you would like me to explore, I am more than happy to do it.

  • tim porter

    hi mike,my name is tim porter,I met you at the Lt. Michael Murphy mem. run. I was working with the soldiers project.We talked about PTSD and the alternative treatments for it.I hope today is a good day for you,as I know that is not always the case. I did want to remind you about brain wave vibration the book that was written by Ilchie Lee the leading brain research scientist. I have found his knowledge of the brain and its workings very helpful.The exercises are great tools to give you some inner peace when you find yourself on the runaway train as I refer to it. Also if you would like to try the polarity therapy I have a girl,my massage therapist who does it on me. This was very helpful in getting rid of my painbodies.That is a memory that is so intense it brings on nausea and physical pain.I may be wrong but I think you probably have at least a few of those. Well thats it for now,have a peaceful day and remember to breathe if you don’t. Talk to you soon, Tim Porter.

    • Mikey Piro

      Hi Tim! Yes, I remember. Thank you for your service! I have been looking into alternate treatments around meditation. I will check out the book and let you know.

      Thanks for checking out the blog! Talk soon.

      Mikey